Friday, October 23, 2009
pappu cant dance, sala!
this is for you nisha! this is probably one of the best/worst indian songs of all time, but i have to admit, i love it because it is catchy! dancing, as most of you know, is a HUGE part of my life. ever since i was 3 years old in my pink tutu doing a dance to "im a baby ballerina," i have loved dancing. from jazz, tap, and ballet to indian dancing, dance has always had a place in my heart. in college, duke dhamaka (I see you! DD4L) was my life. i met baldeep because of this team, and i found some of my amazing friends because of this team, like raj, rajeev, ami, and maanasa. but now, i couldnt dance, i couldnt even walk. i needed a wheelchair, a wheelchair! i couldnt believe it. a few weeks ago, i was dancing the night away at georges with baldeep, and now i was paralyzed. how could i get used to the idea of a wheelchair?! i remember my first physical therapy session - it was in the icu, and it just consisted of sitting in a wheelchair. though my back and neck were fully supported, it was so painful and so hard just to sit! and i had to get used to sitting in one all day. when i got to the rehab hospital, i had to be fitted for a wheelchair. as we neared the doorway to the wheelchair clinic, i started crying. not just any crying, but sobbing, weeping, blubbering, and it couldnt be stopped. what did this all mean?? if i was going to be fitted for a wheelchair, then it would be mine. that meant i wasnt going to wake up tomorrow, or next week, or next month, and be able to suddenly walk. would i need this hefty, awful metal thing (that not to mention,TOTALLY cramps my style) forever? the answer was no, but i wouldnt find that out until a lot later. there will come a day when i dont need this anymore, i dont know when that day will come, but it will come. from the beginning, whenever i pictured the day i would be better, i didnt picture myself walking, i didnt picture myself running, i didnt picture myself jumping, i pictured myself dancing. in the icu, i was told i would be up dancing bhangra in 6 months at my brother's graduation. it was nearly impossible to imagine something like that when youre completely paralyzed in bed, but with my heart bursting with hope, that was the image that took over most of my dreams. the sad reality was that in six months, i wasnt even well enough to even GO to my brother's graduation, but thats another story. now, my more realistic goal, is to dance at nishas wedding - i dont know if that will happen, but i say, if youre going to dream, you might as well dream big. GO BIG OR GO HOME! in the meantime, i have rajiv's one-sided shoulder shrug dance down! i decided if i am going to get better, im going to be 110% better, otherwise this whole battle wouldnt be worth it. i sit in a wheelchair so one day i can walk, i will walk with a walker so one day i can run, i will run slowly so one day i can dance, i will dance confidently because it was, and is, my life.