This is why I'm hot

I really hate how inherently selfish the whole rehab process is... Think about it... Millions of hours, millions of therapists, millions of dollars, millions, no billions, of miles on the road from therapy to therapy, and millions of prayers from everyone, all for what?¡ All to get one person a little, tiny bit better. Hours upon hours are spent on this person, from doctors, nurses, therapists, trainers, family and friends. But to thrive, or survive, in this rehab process, you really have to milk all of this. You have to become, well, selfish. You have to fancy yourself important enough to deserve it ALL, otherwise you will go insane. And I'm trying! I'm going hard in this rehab process with a single, arguably selfish, goal in mind. But, I'm not so good at this whole 'being selfish' thing... Like, I love the attention I'm getting from friends and everyone, but then I remember why I'm getting the attention, and then I start to hate it. When my mom used to tell me that people were praying for me at the temple, I appreciated the sentiment, but absolutely hated the attention, especially the reason for the attention. I'm not good at solely thinking of myself and my needs, I'm good at thinking of other people's needs. Before all this, I had the luxury of being utterly selfless. It was really nice, and though it felt natural at the time, I realize now that it was a luxury. Service was my life - sometimes literally (just ask Megan!), but I was proud of it, so proud. I cared about the kids I worked with more than I did myself... I know that sounds silly, but it was true. I may have given them my love and support, but they gave me a wonderful purpose. From my college essay, medical school essay, to various speeches, one line has been the same. A quote by Mahatma Gandhi, "In a gentle way, we can shake the world." I wanted to save the world... But as Lamar Odom said on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, "Wanna make God laugh? Tell him you plans." Yea, my plans definitely made him laugh, and he threw me a hell of a curveball. Then, about a year ago, a doctor approached me after therapy, and told me she had a patient who was a 19 year old girl who just had a stroke and was really upset. She asked if I could stop in and talk to her. I was overwhelmed and unprepared, but so anxious to help. I immediately went to hr room, but I had no idea what to say... I knew she must feel so alone, so I told her my story. I knew she must feel so freaking scared, so I told her the one line that made me believe, "Everything gets better from here." The whole room was in tears, including me and her. I came to check on her two weeks later, and she was doing so much better, it was so exciting, she looked so happy. Her doctor told my dad that it was either something I said or a coincidence, but she started improving after I talked to her! What!! I felt something at that moment, something great, something I hadn't felt in so long...needed...instead of hopelessly, embarrassingly, desperately needy.... It was so freeing, to forget my needs, and focus on someone else. Over the last few months, I've been getting emails from friends and strangers saying that my story and blog have helped them in some way. I don't know what I'm doing or saying, but I figure I'm doing something right. Because of everything that has happened, I have a voice, and people are listening. And sometimes I'm actually helping people other than myself. So now, I think I have an even more wonderful purpose. Basically, I'm hot cuz I'm fly, you ain't cuz you not. Jk! You are all fly, it's just that ibe2fly4u ;). So maybe I can still save the world, or at least shake it a little...