Tuesday, October 13, 2009
rain rain, go away, come again another day
i dont know if im exactly a strong girl or a superwoman. there were and still are many days where i dont feel like fighting anymore.there are some days where i just cry uncontrollably all day. there are some days when iwish this battle ended before it even started. yes it would be harder on my loved ones but it would have saved me all this suffering. i would often cry myself to sleep - i dont think people really know what that really means until they actually do it. it took my mom and dad begging me in the icu to realize that it was still me inside, it took my brother countless times to convince me that everything was going to be ok, and it took baldeep reminding me that he loved me, all to get me by. and to get through each day, it was all your letters and prayers. i must have had my mom read your cards and my prayer book like 20 times. the first time i cried so much that my heartrate went up so high to like 160, so they sent me for an emergency CT scan of my chest because they thought i had a pulmonary embolism (these can kill you silently and swiftly so i was defiinitely scared). but iwas fine after that. i still remember some lines people wrote that really touched me, like bobbak told me he needed me, megan reminded me what my name meant, and rajul said was her rock. i didnt have much to look forward to, so i found happiness in these letters. so if you thinkabout it, itwasmt me who was strong, it was the people around me who were strong for me when i couldnt be. you know what the sad thing is? nothings changed. i still have horrible days. i still cry uncontrollably. i still need my brother to convince me that everything will be ok and baldeep to remind me he loves me. i still need the people around me to be strong for me - my housekeeper constantly tells me, "no llores hija. Dios va a curarte" (meaning "dont cry my child. God is going to cure you") and my aid says she sees progreeveryday. i still need to hear from all of you. i cant tell you how much i appreciate your emails - the happy ones, the sad ones, the simple ones, and the touching ones. still, the only thing that can make me stop crying is a visit from friends or a call from baldeep. i have been living for the future,for tomorrow, for when im better, but to be honest, i have no idea when that day will come. so in the meantime, i need to learn to live for the present, for today. but if you look at my today, you will see that it is pretty sad, not at all what a 24 year old should be doing. so help make my today worth living, help me find the strength to get through to tomorrow, help me be your superwoman i wish i could be.
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I'm writing you an email right now, superwoman! Don't forget that crying is cathartic. Let it out, woman. Although I do prefer the happy tears.
ReplyDeleteYou've got love all around you, breathe it in, my angel.
Xo
you are. just because you aren't always smiling through it all - and i bet you are still 10x more than the next best person - doesn't mean you are less strong. on the other hand i think keeping going through the tears only means you are stronger. love youu
ReplyDeleteYou were right...you were much more honest with this one. I'm proud of you for reaching to a more difficult place and not just being more honest with "your public" but also with yourself. Don't forget to do your homework! Right now I am grateful for DVR's with funny shows recorded on them :)
ReplyDeleteI need you too.
ReplyDeleteGod have been very kind to me, despite the hard times he made me go through but now I give him all the praise for relieving my mum of her stroke through the help of an herbal doctor by name Uwadia Amenifo. Helen Smith is my name, and we live in England. My mum was diagnosed of stroke eight months ago, and she was in so many pains as she can’t even walk, go to rest room, or move her body. She even has to excrete in her body most times. I am her only child, and I so much love my mum because my dad died when I was 4 years old. So I grew up in the hands of only my mum without fatherly care. It happened that when she was diagnosed of stroke by our family doctor her condition was still good by then, but in just one month after her diagnoses, her condition became very worst that the doctor then said her stroke is acute and no longer partial. And that it will only take God’s intervention for her to be well again and for her to be able to retain the full use of her brain. So her ailment continues until God intervened before God’s intervention, I have carried her to so many churches for prayers and have traveled very far to look for a cure for her. I Travelled to America to see some doctors if they can help even if its surgery they can carry out on her provided she don’t die, because I really needed her around me. It was in America an Endocrinologist by name Jill Marie Abelseth MD from Albany, NY told me about an herbal doctor who she knows of, that have successfully cured stroke/ human parasites. So she advised me to contact the herbalist, so I contacted him, and explained to him what my mum is going through, so he counseled us and asked few questions about my mum which I told him. So he prepared the herbs, and shipped it to me in England. I gave my mum the herbs just as he has instructed, and just exactly as he said that his herbs will totally cure my mum. His herbs really worked perfectly well, and cured my mum. As I write this testimony my mum is totally cured of her stroke and she has started her normal business as usual. So I want all here to help me thank Doctor Uwadia Amenifo for his great help in helping me cure my mum of her stroke with his herbal medicine. Please if you know of anyone who have stroke or who have one disease or the other and his/her doctor says there’s no cure to that disease please I want that person to contact doctor Uwadia Amenifo, and give him a try. His contacts are Email (doctoruwadiaamenifo@gmail.com) his number is (+2349052015874), Thanks.
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